God of Derp
by DemFeels
Summary: Short stories about Kuroko no Basuke characters accidentally calling Yato.
1. First Client: The Phantom Player

**A/N: **Hi! After not updating my other story for months, (drum rolls) I'm here to present another story! (scattering confetti everywhere) Please don't kill me! I'm sorry xD I just became very very busy with work this past months. But don't worry I will update Reclaim soooooon! And also I really enjoy Noragami and I love Yato so much so I have to write this. :) And by the way this was the result of me procrastinating while at work. (me making the derpy face of Yato)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own that charming-energetic-troll-not-sure-if-really-god Yato and those over power bishies playing basketball.

* * *

Boring...

He's been really really bored. It's been quite a while since he last got a call from a client. He grab a bottle half full of 5-yen coins from his pocket and play with its contents.

_At this rate it would take me eternity to build a shrine. _He thought as he sighed deeply.

_riiiiiing.._

It excite him when he heard that single ring and he immediately answer it with enthusiasm.

"Hello! Thank You for calling! Fast, affordable, and reliable! Delivery god, Yato at your service!" He answered with a very energetic voice.

Silence.

"Hello?" he repeated.

He still could not get any answer. It was so quiet that he could actually hear the blinking of the person on the other line.

_Eh? No one is answering? Is it just a prank call? No. No. NO! It can't be! When I finally got a call from a client. _Maybe there's just a problem with the network. I'll try to speak louder. Yato exclaimed to himself.

"Hello! Anyone there? hello? HELLOOOOOOOOOO?" Yato yell at the phone with a voice that can hurt the ears.

_Ano. Sumimasen, I can actually hear you. I'm just confused._ A sweet and gentle voice answer the other line.

Oh this boy sounds weak, maybe he is another victim of bullying. Yato thought to himself_._

"Hai! Hai! So whats your name?"

_This is Kuroko. Is this Akashi-kun? You sound... different today,_the boy answered.

"Hohoho. So you are Kuroko. I'm not Akashi-kun but you are very lucky today because you call me, the great Yato! I'm actually a God and I could grant you any wish for a very affordable price of 5 yen."

Another awkward silence.

"Are you being bullied? Do you think you're cursed? I could help you with anything."

_Hmmm.. Gomen but I think I got the wrong number. I will hang up now. _The person at the other line said.

"Wait! What about the wish? Wait. Waiiiiiiit!"

*toot toot toot*

And with that Yato lose a client.

* * *

**Omake**

Meanwhile, At the other line.

Kuroko looked at his phone. He could not be mistaken because he was very familiar with his ex-captain's voice but the way he spoke seems different.. very different.

He concluded that Akashi might be bored and he thought playing prank with him is a good idea. He then noticed that his phone was ringing and saw he's former captain's name on the caller id. He decided to play along with his prank and tell him his wish.

"Vanilla milkshake. A lifetime supply." He then ended the call after informing Akashi his wish. He have no idea that the certain red head on the other line was taken aback for a second because of his strange behaviour.

* * *

**A/N: **Akashi and Yato have the same seiyuu which is Kamiya Hiroshi (also the seiyuu of Levi and izaya) so they have the same voice.. xD

Again gomen for the spelling and grammatical errors.


	2. Second Client: The Tsundere

**A/N: **I'm here again with another chapter. :) This time the one who accidentally called Yato was Midorima. I really enjoy writing this chapter because Shin-chan is such a tsundere.. :D

text inside [...] were text messages.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own that charming-energetic-troll-not-sure-if-really-god Yato and those over power bishies playing basketball.

* * *

**[From:** Akashi

I have an urgent matter to discuss. Call me this instant.]

Sighs. What does he want? I'm peacefully eating my... no erase that I'm not peacefully eating my lunch because Takao keeps bugging me for no particular reason. I just hope that it's really an urgent matter because if not, I stop enjoying my red bean soup for nothing. Midorima thinks to himself then push the call button on his phone.

"Hello Akashi. What's the urgent matter you want to discuss?"

_"Moshi-moshi! Thank you for calling! Fast, affordable, and reliable! delivery god Yato, at your service!"_ The person on the other line answered with a very irritating loud voice.

The heck is wrong with Akashi? He tell me to call for an urgent matter but he just wants to play a prank on me. The green bespectacled boy thought, a red tick can be seen at the side of his forehead.

"Akashi It's not that I care but do you somehow got a fever? What has gotten into you? If you don't really have an urgent matter to discuss I'll hang up now."

_"Akashi? I'm not Akashi! But your very lucky today! You call me, Yato the god! I can grant you any wish for a very affordable price of 5 yen" _replied by the person on the other line.

Yato the god? Who's that? If Akashi will become a God then the God of Underworld is the only befitting title, he's the reincarnation of Satan himself. Midorima thought.

"I know that I'm lucky because Cancer rank as no. 1 on Oha Asa today and I have my lucky item which is a minion plushie. But what's with that wish? I am not questioning you." (I'm afraid to die young) he thought then continues. "and I know your rich but you can't grant me anything. I only believe on the saying Man proposes, God disposes nanodayo"

"_But I am a God! I just told you earlier! I know a brat like you can't believe me but It's the truth! How many years do you think I already live in this world? So just tell me your wish_." Yato said.

"I don't believe you. What is that you really want?"

What is wrong with him today. Did he just call me a brat?! I know he is quite arrogant but he seems really annoying today. Did he catch the virus for being an idiot? But we have been together with Aomine, Kise, Murasakibara and Kuroko for three years at Teiko and this was the first time that he acted like this.

Maybe I could just play along to make him stop. But what could be a fitting wish if I can ask anything? I can ask for that vintage figure of Mogora(1) that was released during the original broadcast of Gultraman(2) or maybe a lifetime supply of lucky items. I can also ask him to torture Takao as a revenge for mocking me and showing that recorded video(3) of me to the whole team. And seriously what's the big deal with it?! I just told them that I would draw the attention of Seirin to me then I will pass the ball. It was necessary for our victory nanodayo.

But No! I couldn't wish that. I would punish Takao myself because I am sure he can't survive Akashi's torture. He can't die yet because we still have a match the next day. Maybe I can ask Takao if he have any idea of what could be a fitting wish.

"Takao, I need to ask you something."

"What is it Shin-chan? And who are you calling? It's only 10mins until lunch break is over and you haven't finished your bento" said the raven head.

"Hmmmp, who are you to worry about me. We're not friends. And by the way, if you can wish for anything what will you ask?"

"Pfft.. Seriously Shin-chan! We come to school together, go home together, and your even eating your lunch with me now and your still saying that we're not friends. You're the tsundere of all tsunderes! hahaha"

"Shut up Takao! I'm not a tsundere! And what about my question earlier."

"Oh about the wish? You're serious about that. Then I will wish that Shin-chan will be honest even just for a day. That will be really interesting. hehehe"

"What's with that wish? It's really nonsense" he was clearly annoyed by his answer.

This is stupid. Take note to self: Never ask annoying Takao anything.

"_Hello? HELLLLLLLLLLLO? Are you still there?_" A loud voice from the phone interrupted them.

"Yes and I decided what my wish is nanodayo." Said Midorima.

"_Really? Really? So brat what's your wish?_" Yato said excitedly.

"My wish is for me to continue my lunch so I can head back to class. It's only 5mins until lunch break is over so I will hang up now. Bye Akashi." And with that he ended the call.

* * *

Meanwhile on the other line.

"_Whaaaaaaaaaat? That's it! And what about my 5yen._"

Yato become disappointed for losing another client.

* * *

**OMAKE**

A few minutes before the bell rings, the green head headed back to their classroom. He forgot his phone because he was really annoyed to Takao and dumbfounded by Akashi's call. Takao notice his phone and saw an incoming message.

**[From:** Akashi

I will not repeat myself Shintarou]

"So Akashi is asking Shin-chan for his wish. Maybe he was asking a deal when we won against Rakuzan. I know how tsundere Shin-chan is so.." The raven haired point guard thought to himself. His face then became excited and then he began typing a message.

**[From**: Midorima

I wish for a full stadium full of beautiful cheering girls for Shotoku in our game. You know my type don't you?]

* * *

**A/N:**

(1) A monster from Gultraman. It's one of Midorima's lucky item from "Kuroko no Basuke" DVD Vol. 4 Audio Drama Feat. Midorima Shintarou.

(2) A parody of Ultraman

(3) During the half break on the Shuutoku vs Seirin match on the Winter Cup preliminaries, Midorima tells his team that he will draw Seirin to him then pass the ball. This shocked the whole team because they know he is a prideful man. In season 2 NG Shuu, Takao recorded Midorima during that scene. He show it to the whole team and play it repeatedly. Miyaji, Kimura and Takao laughed so hard and this made Midorima very annoyed.

Bonus: The scene from Omake was based from the post I see on Tumblr. Tatsuhisa Suzuki (Takao's seiyuu, also my husband :P) trolls the other seiyuu during their break time on the Free! event last January. The other seiyuus left their phones during break time and when they have their phones back, they have nonsense posts on their tweeter account and the suspect is none other than Tattsun.. :D

Again pardon me for the grammatical errors.


	3. Third Client: The Famous Model

**A/N: **Hi again.. I was about to write Murasakibara's chapter so I tried to search desserts as reference but then I became too distracted with those damn sweets and forgot what I was about to write. And then my friend and I had this conversation about how talkative Kise was then I got the idea for this chapter. So thanks Sheen-chan! I also add something on the Omake of chapter 1 because the Omakes will be related to a future chapter ;)

Also thank you for those who like, favourite and give reviews to this story.. Hope you like this chapter. :)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own that charming-energetic-troll-not-sure-if-really-god Yato and those over power bishies playing basketball.

* * *

Another day had passed and Yato continue to wear that frustrated expression on his face. The last few days had been really depressing and the reason was the failed calls he received from two clients. How can he build his dream shrine and finally enjoy a luxurious life when he can't even grant some proper wish to those two person.

So after those incidents he tried to work harder. He write his phone number to every park, train station and even public rest rooms that he saw just to make his business bloom. He was too desperate to speed up his money saving plans.

And so one day, when he wasn't expecting anything and cursing why life had been too cruel for him to stay on a naked-like state, his phone suddenly rings.

riiiiiiiiiiiiing.. riiiiiiiiiiiiing..

"Moshi moshi! This is Yato-desu! Fast, affordable and reliable at your service! Anything you want, I can grant it to you! And just for a very cheap price of five yen!" he answered the phone in a very energetic manner.

"A.. Aka.. AKASHICCHI!? I can't believe this! I really can't! This is the first time that you answer my call energetically. You would always ignore my calls or even my messages. Uwaaah I'm so happy right now I feel like crying" a certain teen with a blonde hair answer the other line.

Oh this one is quite noisy it's annoying but I can't fail now! My future luxury is at stake. Yato thought then answer the person on the other line.

"Akashicchi? Who's that? I don't know that person! My name is Yato and I am a God. And yeah! You should be happy because as I said earlier I can grant you anything!" he said with a bashful voice, trying to impress the person on the other line.

"Eeeeeh? You're not Akashicchi? Then who are you?" He was surprised on how he was acting but he's sure that it was he's former captain's voice.

"Aren't you listening brat?! As I said earlier my name is Yato. Remember it now! And I am a God! You hear me? A GOD." Yato tell his new client, emphasizing what he is.

"Akashicchi, are you just killing some time? Please spare me." Kise whines. He thought that the red head was bored and decided to play a prank on him to make him suffer.

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm not Akashicchi. Stop calling me that! My name is Yato! And also tell me your name so I'll know how to call you." Yato started to feel irritated.

Kise panic because he notice that he is starting to annoy he's former captain and the last thing he wants to do is to make him angry. Then he remembers a certain event from their middle school. The red head develop another personality after one of his eyes change its colour. So maybe this Yato guy is actually Akashicchi's third personality? He then answer the guy on the other line.

"Hello Yatocchi? I understand now. Nice to meet you! My name is Kise Ryota." he greeted him and tried to be nice.

He have to be careful after all, Akashicchi is Akashicchi. He is Yatocchi now but he might remember what happen when he became he's old self again and he don't want to experience those hell like punishments once more. Just thinking about it give him chills.

"Eeeeh? Kise Ryota?! You mean that famous model Kise Ryota." Yato was shocked to find out who the person on the other line was.

"Hai. Hai. That Kise Ryota. I'm happy that you recognize me Yatocchi." Kise tell him.

"To think that I was actually talking to someone famous right now! I will brag this to Hiyori when I see her. Also your one of the most followed personality in twitter. " Yato tell the model.

_I've been stalking his account to see if I can get any ideas on how to become popular but all he's tweets were just bragging and It's damn annoying. Why would girls liked this type of guy? He's just plain annoying and I bet I'll be more handsome than him if I dress in clothes he wore on those magazines. _Yato thought to himself then continue to speak with the yellow head.

"I followed you but you never follow me back. Are all famous people that arrogant?! tsk." Yato tell the blonde.

_Eeeh? But I follow back all my followers_. Kise thought then answered. "Gomen Yatocchi I might missed you when I checked my alerts. What's your twitter account I'll follow you back now."

"Just search YatoKamiSama" Yato thought he's annoying but he got thrilled having another follower other than Hiyori.

"Got it Yatocchi. And my pictorial was about to start gomen I have to go now. Bye bye su~."

"Bye bye" Yato ended the call but after he pressed the end button he remembered something. He was too distracted with having a famous personality as a follower in twitter that he forgot something important.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.. THE WISH." he shouted.

* * *

After that day, Yato thought that the famous model would immediately forgot him but he was totally wrong. The blonde keep sending him messages not just frequently but every damn 10 minutes! And it's really annoying. Not only the blonde keep bragging about himself, he's messages were composed with an enormous amount of emoticons. He was like a grade school student rather than a high school teenager. He was thinking how bothersome the brat was when he received another text from him.

[From: Cheeky Blonde Brat

Kon'nichiwasuu~ Yatocchi.. ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

My pictorial finally ends. (;´Д`) Again I received a lot of attention from my fangirls. ~(˘▾˘)~ I also received a lot of gifts! o(^▽^)o I would like to share some of the chocolates to you since I can't eat all of them any way. o(≧∇≦o)]

Yato was on the verge of throwing his phone after reading the new message but he restrained himself because he can't afford a replacement if his phone got broken. He then decided to just ignore the annoying messages until he grant the blonde's wish.

On the other hand, the blonde have no idea that the God was really annoyed with him and just keep enjoying sending messages. He was not sure what phone number does he's former captain uses because the red head often changes his contact information, that's why he decided to add all the phone numbers on his address book that was saved under his name whenever he send him the messages.

* * *

After several days, Yato couldn't take it anymore and finally decided to sever ties with the famous model and GOM member named as Kise Ryota. After that, all the information regarding the God had vanished from the blondes memory. Kise forgot everything but a certain teen with a heterochromatic eyes didn't. Yato's contact information were erased from all of Kise's messages making them addressed only to his former captain. The model had no idea that the red head already decided on what punishment would be the most painful for him.

* * *

**Omake**

Kise was on his way to one of his pictorials when he received a message from one of his former teammates.

[From: Midorimacchi

Akashi wants me to tell you that he will pay you a visit one of this days and you know what to expect for pestering him. ]

"Eeeeh. But I didn't do anything." Kise exclaimed. Tears started to fall from his eyes. He tried to remember if he did something wrong to received the wrath of his former captain but he can't recall anything. He then reply to the green head.

[To: Midorimacchi

Waaaah! What should I do Midorimacchi?（ ＴДＴ）

I didn't do anything to make Akashicchi angry. ( ≧Д≦)

Help me! o(╥﹏╥)o ]

After several minutes, he finally received a reply from the bespectacled shooting guard. He's message made him cry more crocodile tears.

[From: Midorimacchi

Die.]

* * *

Again gomen for the spelling and grammatical errors.


	4. Fourth Client: The Shield of Sweets

**A/N: **Again thank you for those who like, favorite and give reviews to this story.. Hope you like this chapter. :) And if any of you wonder about the title it came from "The Shield of Aegis" which is the nickname for Yosen.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own that charming-energetic-troll-not-sure-if-really-god Yato and those over power bishies playing basketball.

* * *

It was a cold winter morning and a giant purple head can be seen lazily walking on the way to Yosen High. It was Saturday and he was not a morning person but he had no choice but to go on their practice since his teammates promise that they will give him snacks if he attend now. And winter cup was also approaching that their coach keep pestering him to attend practice. He looked bored while munching the snack he was holding, a big bag of potato chips. He suddenly stop on his tracks when his phone vibrated.

**[From**: Aka-chin

Atsushi I have something to discuss regarding the winter cup. Call me this instant**.]**

_Hmmm. Ok Aka-chin._ He thought to himself then dialed his former captain's number.

"Hai Hai, Yato here speaking. The delivery god at your service 365 days a year." answered the person on the other line.

_Hmmm Aka-chin sounds like Kise-chin_. He thought then answer the person on the other line, not stopping from eating his snacks.

"Aka-chin?" *munch munch munch*

"Wrooooooong. Why do people keep calling me that Aka guy. My name is Yato and I am a God. And what's your name brat?" he said to the purple head.

_So I must call Aka-chin as Yato-chin now._ He thought then answered. "Hmmm OK Yato-chin. I'm Atsushi."

"So Atsushi what can I do for you? Anything you wish I can grant it to you! For a very affordable price of 5 yen" Yato said, hoping that he will not fail with this client this time.

"Sugeee Yato-chin. You can grant me anything?" the giant answered excitedly. He can't think of what snack he must ask because there are many choices to choose from.

"Off course I can! Who do you think I am? I am a God so I can do anything!" Yato said proudly.

"Then I want a strawberry shortcake, chocolate truffles, blueberry cheesecake, chocolate chip cookies, lady fingers, fruit tart, mango float, vanilla panacotta, buttermilk cookies, apple pie, chocolate pudding, choco banana pie, donuts, a pack of Nerunerunerune candy and a Takoyaki flavored Umaibo." Murasakibara said while drooling from imagining all the sweets he can eat.

"Wait wait wait. Hold on brat! If I have the money to buy all of that then I will not do those crappy jobs. And that was way too many sweets! They are not tasty and will only give you a toothache. Just eat vegetables, they're good for your health" Yato exclaimed.

"Even if it was Yato-chin I won't allow you to insult Sweets. Sweets were gifts given from above. Without sweets life will be boring. Each snack is unique, they give me a different feeling when I eat them. Just like when I eat a Takoyaki Umaibo, it's like I'm swimming at the bottom of the sea. When I eat a cotton candy, it's like I'm flying on the clouds. When I eat a chocolate cake, it's like I'm in heaven while angel's sing. And the potato chips I eat right now gives me the feeling of wanting to play in a meadow." he explained to Yato.

"Whatever brat. They are junk foods and junk foods are crappy. Just eat vegetables. And I am a God so what I said was always right so stop blabbering and give me another wish." Yato said to his customer.

"You're making me mad now Yato-chin. I will crush those vegetables of yours." the purple head tell Yato.

"You can't crush me! Because I-AM-A-GOD!" Yato yell on the person on the other line.

"Even if it's Yato-chin's order I will still not eat vegetables and that's final. Bye now Yato-chin." with that the purple head ended the call.

Yato became very irritated and he was devastated that he lose another annoying client.

* * *

**Omake**

Murasakibara was taking his time and still won't call him so a certain red head called the giant instead. But after hearing the ring on the other line, he was surprised that he's former teammate ended the call. Then he received a text.

**[**From: Atsushi

Sweets are Justice.**]**

* * *

**A/N: **And ehem.. i would like to get this opportunity to support my friend and her stories.

For more humor you can check **The Emergency Supply **by Schatten Mdchen story id: 10178719. I promise you'll never regret checking it, it's really funny.. :D

Again gomen for the spelling and grammatical errors.


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